Things I have learned from watching this episode of The Noie and Ems Show:

• Toddlers can now have their own YouTube shows
• Kids these days are getting high from sniffing hairspray (or spraying yourself in the eye with it)… but ONLY in the bathrooms of private jets, obvi.
• Beauty secretz revealed!! Disney superstar Emily Grace Reaves gets her hair super sleek and shiny by using a pet hair roller. Also, here’s a tip: run your saliva-soaked finger through your premature widow’s peak to give it that extra oomph!
• Noah’s life is run by mileyworld.com
• Miley puts her dog in the cone of shame. Bad Miley.

Here’s what you need to know:

• This is Noah Cyrus, Miley’s 9 year old sister
• She’s 9
• She has the voice and the body of a baby
• She’s singing a cappella
• She’s singing a cappella to Akon’s “Smack That”
• She smacks her ass

The entire Cyrus family needs to be put down.